i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
