My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
