i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
