woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
