I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
