Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
