He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
