True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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