i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
