i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
