we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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