so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
