why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
