i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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