We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
