Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
