I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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