I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have so many feelings about this burrito
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
