Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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