why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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