So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
