4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize