My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
