i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
