hotel room ftw
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
