Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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