Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
