you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
