Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Shame - the story of my life.
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