i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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