Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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