I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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