I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
