Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
