Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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