Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
