Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
