it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
