Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
