Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
