You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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