Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
