so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
