Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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