lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
