At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
