So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize