Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
