She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
