I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
