i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize