i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize