come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't give away my fajitas
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
