sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
