i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
