About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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