You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
