What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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