I skipped work to stalk him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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