the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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