The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
