Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
