Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
