You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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