Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
