awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
