I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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